The gap

the distance between the artist you want to be and the reality of who you are

@marikomori

Being an artist is a difficult experience. I don’t have to tell you that. Most of you probably already know.

I think the most difficult part is when you aren’t around artists. When you aren’t protected by them. When you leave the protective shell of people understanding you.

Artists understand your decisions. They understand why you’re working at a clothing store instead of a well paying office job, because you need the extra brainpower to complete your projects. They understand why you don’t center your life on long-term relationships because you’re still exploring a relationship with yourself and the world around you. They understand why you don’t have the usual benchmarks — marriage, buying house, having a children, etc. Because they understand that the art comes first. Because art is not solely physical output, it is a perspective and mode of living life. It is tied to our purpose.

I’ve never felt quite so similar to a lot of people. But, I find ways to connect to them, which I love doing. I can find some sort of connective tissue with everyone I meet. Even ones I don’t like. I like that trait about myself.

However, upon surveying my life, I don’t know if I give them enough options to connect to me. I think I put too much pressure on myself to be the one connecting. I might be closing off entrances or exits.

But, maybe that’s what this writing practice is for. This art. Maybe that’s why it feels so good. I’m giving all of these people, these strangers essentially, routes to enter me. To understand my inner world. To understand what it is like to be an artist. What it is like to create a reality from your own mind for people to step into.

A few years ago, my therapist told me, “There are people who believe they are meant to do great things, but they don’t know when those things are supposed to happen. They just feel like they are on the brink of something each year. But, each year passes and that thing doesn’t occur.”