On Infinities
I wasn’t planning to write something, but it’s my birthday and I’m in my new studio apartment with my pink light on and I don’t know, it just feels important. It’s important for me to show up here at this moment.
It’s currently 12:01, oh wait - now 12:02am on Saturday, March 6th. Technically, it’s not my birthday until 3:30am. This time in 1993, also on a Saturday, my mother was impatiently waiting for my arrival. I was 3 days late. Just chillin in the womb. Maybe that’s why I’m always late to monumental things in life. It just takes me some extra time to birth into it.
Anyways, I have some words I’d like to share with you. It’s not exactly a poem, it more so feels like a statement. A placard of where I am in my life. To be honest with you, I didn’t think my life could change the way it did for me in this past year. The craziest part is - all of it was internal. Yet, as I continue to live with this new internal programming, I’m noticing how my physical reality has been rapidly changing before me. We really get it wrong thinking that the work starts on the outside.
on infinities:
right now, i am just looking for the words. looking for the things that have no name. i am creating dateless entries and relying simply on the act of trust. we are never fully arriving but it still feels like i’m getting close. if you asked me who i was last year, i would have jumbled my self up thinking of an answer. now — i know better. i know stronger, too. i can’t tell you who i am but i can show you. through a glance. through the simple of act of knowing. of listening then deciding to be heard. those are the instances i make myself known. and this deliberation, to cease looking for myself in captive definitions, has made room for the coveted touch of freedom. i find it when i read. i meet it in conversations. i see it when i look in my mirror. all of this to say, because i started seeing myself and then doing everything in my power to release it, my immediate world began opening its hands in retrieval. dusting me off like glitter for me to discover every day.
it’s a circle, really. all of it is a circle. we find ourselves returning to the same dot of rotation, yet, our orbit transforms. i can see mars and neptune now where i only saw earth. & tonight, i’ll see mercury.
we run around the solar system
and i always find my way back home.