I walk through the room like a woman on a quest
I walk through the room like a woman on a quest
written in the sand
hi there,
i’m moving and my mind and emotions are incredibly disoriented. i’ve had no capacity to write anything new because i’m too busy deciding what in my life is worth keeping as I plan to trek away from los angeles for the rest of the year. so here is this piece. i wrote this in malibu a few weekends ago. different from my last malibu piece, i wrote this one the following day. while eating a gorgeous, sweet croissant at el matador beach. take it easy. & love while you still can.
El Matador Beach
within the dark grey chamber lives a rumble.
that which is coming will make itself known.
i speak from that great divide.
that which pulls heaven and earth.
a concoction so
misshapen,
wide,
cataclysmic.
the tension, the birth,
of living.
a part of me was left there.
one of which i must run throughout the world to gain.
or perhaps, what is happening, is
a re-acquaintance.
an understanding.
a deeper fondness.
the grazing of what you once had that you now don’t need to hold to keep.
the eternal.
the glorious.
the impermeable.
the granted.
granted.
yes,
granted.
the water so rambunctious takes its keepers for the day, washing them with clarity. revealing a crystal layer on the floor. for us to stand one inch in, or two feet,
or just the full expression of our being. dunking our whole souls in.
telling the water,
we are ready for heaven to begin
are we ready? or is it just this moment?
is salvation too pure of a thing for us to devote and release our human lives to?
perhaps, not. perhaps, that’s not the full thing. that the pain in our spectrum must shake and release. i’ve been waiting for such chaos, though i’m trembling. i’m naked and beating in Transformation. i’m ready to be gushed and bloodied. this heaven is too carnal for me.
pull me to the floor. i want to rush and dive into the center. let heaven come surround me. reaching me above my maximum. rising into the blue, i will jump. the bloodied jewels. the thirst of the water. coarse with desire. the planted rock. the moving earth. the mass of blue, of green. of people who just wanted more. i want to scream. and eat. and love until the end. i want to run through him until the end of me. until I
crash into the heaven of this earth, this plane of desire,
glittered with sand.
the chaos of this nature sings within me the tune,
the dawn, the rising of the word.
that word we inch to and run our hands over. crawl into bed with and eat. hungrily, sloppily, messily, wet, incumbent with desire.
my volume for collapsing into this world is something now beneath me.
internal, inside out.
at once open.
the world, once outside of me,
is chaotically,
subversively,
alive.
telling the truth is more admirable than being great.