I discovered a tiny self behind my heart

And she is so afraid of everything I do

@techno_staub

I have been paying close attention to my thoughts. The array of voices that cacophony in my head. There are so many different kinds, wow. All different tones and registers. The high pitched ones are usually when I’m lying to myself. The stuffy, sweaty ones are when I feel uncomfortable with who I’m speaking to. Then others don’t even use the english language. They are ecstatic brinks of feeling. Those are my favorites.

Yet, there was one, one shrouded by all the others that seemed to have the most to say. It was a voice that I had been so used to hearing all of my life, it began to just slip in with all the others. It was such a fearful voice. A hunched voice. It wanted to stop the expression of everything. Nearly every time I wanted to try something new, say something directly truthful, or basically any time I was trying to not hide, that voice broke through me and fuzzed my internal programming to limit my expression. Arresting my motors and holding back all attempts of me revealing myself.

Hiding myself, that voice believed, was the best thing I could do.

So, I listened very quietly and I followed that voice the other day. Moving towards its echoes down to the deep, sullen chamber behind my heart. Where my heart frequencies ran electric and molten. There, peeking behind my formidable organ, I saw a small figurine of myself.

Hiding behind my heart.