Green

Because I am looking to grow

I have to let it go? No problem. I have gotten exceptionally good at letting things go that do not match with me anymore. It’s not something that troubles me. I let go of the pain by not holding on to it. I don’t need to be something that I thought of a long time ago when I was in a place of hurt. Who I envisioned for myself -- someone that was saved. With little understanding that tangled within the mesh of my desires was the real fruit. What is pure green. I think of the earth and I think of green. I think of green first. Green may be the beginning of it all. And it’s not that any other color shouldn’t exist or that it doesn’t matter as much, but that there is a natural fate of the birth of things. And things that grow, are often green.

I look for green because I am looking to grow. I do not want the stagnant fate. I am willing to reroute. I am willing to realign. I am willing to let go of what I thought for myself. It’s a long process, this letting go. But the moment I realize that is all there is to it, it becomes dramatically simpler. I can just do it. The letting go doesn’t have to be something I wrestle with. It can be easy. It can be like breathing. It can be as simple as feeling. I grow acquainted with the idea that I can turn my mind off. That there doesn’t always have to be an internal war. That the knowing that develops and emanates from my body is an entity and feeling I can and should trust.

But, I leave my mind and suddenly everything is empty. Not empty in the way that nothing is there, but that there is nothing in my way. that I look around me and I see. I see without trying to put something on what I see. I see just purely to see. To take in. To let what is outside of me become something I can choose to feel and possibly make something with. I sit in my body as a spectator of the world. I can choose to fully exist. The clouds of judgment that paralyze my mind, cease. It is me and the world looking at each other.

Being together.

Do you think the world thinks? If it had a mind — or if it certainly has one — what would it say? Where does the brain of the earth live? Are we each an extension of it? does the world have billions of brains because we are all of the earth? And inverse, that we all carry the sturdy prowess of this planet? Can I embody earth just by looking at her? Can I too, release my mind, and become something that moves, that grows, that gives life? Can I make meaning without assertion, without assumption, and just by growth? Just by being green.

We rush to make a meaning of something before it grows, before it has happened. What constitutes a thing that has happened? When does the growth stop and the definition begin? Well isn’t that silly. Things don’t ever stop growing, everything is in a constant state of evolvement. I think of my hot pink iPod nano with the cracked screen that lives in my miscellaneous drawer. Even if physically it does not transform, its meaning has radically changed. That meaning changes every day. So, if everything is constantly in a state of growth, if everything is always moving, if everything is always revolving as the earth does — what could we ever call a finished work? Well, maybe it’s when you take your hands off of it. When the making ceases and you quit. Well not quit, but you let go. You let go of something so that the other meaning, the otherworldly meaning can take place. The implied meaning. The historical meaning. The meaning placed by another human’s perception of meaning. So that’s when something is done, that is maybe when something has happened.

Well — the happening — never stops. And I don’t think it will. I don’t think the happening ever didn’t exist. It’s the plug to our eternal resilience. The earth is happening too. We can’t forget we are all characters in this story. But here, earth is our long-standing friend. She has been here through it all. Through her happening. To which all of our happenings take place. I may be confusing myself here but I think I’m onto something. The idea that the earth is also living alongside us too.

I have a book announcement coming tomorrow, but I needed to tell you this first.