a lack is a signal your desire will come true

it's all inside a perspective shift

I am a wanting person. I want a lot. And often times, I will make myself sad from this wanting. I will think of how sad I am for wanting so much that I do not have. I create this kind of distance between myself and the things I want. I begin to define myself, not from the things I want, but from me not having them.

I enter a very deep relationship with lack. Lack, to me, doesn’t feel like emptiness. It takes up its own space. It’s a constrictor. It affects my breathing, my thinking, and the way I hold my body. My lack mindset creates a weird bubble between me being able to touch what I want. It prevents things from being able to come through.

If I think about how I would like a specific boyfriend, I am taken over by how I do not have this specific boyfriend. If I think about how I am not creating at the level I want as a writer, I am taken over by how I am not creating at the level I want as a writer. If I think about how I am not making enough money to travel the way I desire, I am taken over by how I am not making enough money to travel the way I desire. And so on and so forth.

You get the gist. You understand this, too.

My relationship with what I want is defined by a constriction. Not a vastness.

But, I’ve been doing tests on myself. Tests to break my understanding of lack. And I think these tests work.